is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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