dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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