You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
