can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
