Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
