everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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