My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
