i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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