based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
