how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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