Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
