the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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