Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
