I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
