happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
