This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
