remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize