I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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