I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
