wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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