grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
