I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize