wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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