so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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