How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
