guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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