if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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