You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
