Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize