my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
