Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
