Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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