Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
