no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
