Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
