I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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