It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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