The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
