Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
