My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
