it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
