Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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