i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
