I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
