you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
