remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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