Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
