Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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