quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
