It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize