she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
