I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
