Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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