My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
