you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
