If i could tip my vagina, i would.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
