i always forget guys have bellybuttons
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bring me that man meat
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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