She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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