I love black thongs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
