So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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