I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
