high people should be assigned attendants
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
