Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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