i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
