3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
