ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize