9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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