Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
