I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
