Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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