Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
