I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
