hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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