Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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