im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
