You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
