I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
