you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
