Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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