she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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