Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
