You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
