i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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