We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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