my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
