So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
