Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
