But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
