just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think your dad took our porno
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
