I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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