my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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