"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
