went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
