My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
