I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
