I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
