so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
