please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
