party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
