peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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